Seasonal Care: Why Self-Care Beats Coping for Caregivers

Imagine You're a Caregiver in December

Imagine it's the week before the holidays. You're a family caregiver, and your mother—who has dementia—has been sundowning every evening, becoming agitated and restless as the sun sets. You've just come from work, where you used your lunch break to call her doctor and schedule a home health aide for next week. You're exhausted, but the to-do list is still long: groceries, wrapping, and figuring out how to pay for the extra care. You sit in the car for a minute, and the thought crosses your mind: How am I going to keep this up?

If that scenario feels familiar, you're not alone. About 63 million U.S. adults—one in four—are family caregivers, according to the AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving. And nearly half of us spend 41 hours or more per week caregiving, on top of jobs and families. The emotional toll is huge: two in three caregivers report high emotional stress, and one in four feels isolated. As we head into a new season, many caregivers face a choice: keep coping or start actively practicing self-care. In this article, I'll compare two approaches—reactive coping and proactive self-care—and argue that self-care, especially when adapted to the seasons, wins every time.

The Case for Self-Care Over Coping

I used to think that “coping” was the best we could do. You know, the deep breath, the “one day at a time” mantra, the sheer grit to get through the week. But a 2024 study by Riegel and colleagues (Applied Nursing Research) upended my thinking. They studied 248 caregivers and found that a self-care model explained 54% of the variance in mental health and 42% in stress appraisal—far stronger than a coping model. In other words, actively doing things to care for yourself—like getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking breaks—does more for your mental health than just “coping” with the stress.

The National Institute on Aging (NIA) agrees, advising that taking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do as a caregiver. And yet, we often fall into a cycle of crisis management, especially during busy seasons like winter holidays or summer travel. Coping is reactive; self-care is proactive. Coping is about surviving the moment; self-care is about thriving in the long run.

Comparing Two Approaches: Reactive Coping vs. Proactive Self-Care

Look at the table: self-care wins on every criterion. But it's not about being perfect. It's about building small, sustainable habits that you can maintain through the seasons. For example, the APA suggests 7-9 hours of sleep, a balanced diet, daily exercise, staying hydrated, and keeping up with your own medical checkups. The NIA recommends aiming for seven to nine hours of sleep each night and staying active with an activity you enjoy—walking, dancing, gardening, or playing with a pet. Even short periods of exercise can be beneficial.

Who Is Each Approach For?

Reactive coping might be for the caregiver who is in the middle of a crisis—a sudden hospitalization, a move, a new diagnosis. In those moments, you do what you have to do. But if you're in it for the long haul—and most caregivers are, averaging 4 years of caregiving—then proactive self-care is non-negotiable. The data is clear: caregivers report chronic conditions at nearly twice the rate of noncaregivers (45% vs. 24%), according to the Family Caregiver Alliance. And elderly spousal caregivers with caregiving-related stress have a 63% higher mortality rate than noncaregivers. You literally cannot afford to ignore your own health.

How to Build a Seasonal Self-Care Plan

Here's my practical advice, based on the evidence and my own experience. First, schedule self-care like a doctor's appointment. The APA recommends setting aside 20-30 minutes daily for enjoyable or restorative activities, and using respite care for longer breaks. That might mean a short walk every morning before your loved one wakes up, or a yoga session on your lunch break. The NIA suggests carving out time each week to do something you enjoy that has nothing to do with caregiving—watch a favorite TV show, read a magazine, or work on a hobby.

Second, leverage your support system. Ask family members or friends to step in for a few hours a week, hire an aide, or enroll your loved one in adult day care. If you're a long-distance caregiver—living an hour or more away—you can offer occasional respite care to give the primary caregiver a break. And if you're employed, check your workplace benefits. The AARP and NAC found that 70% of working-age caregivers are employed, and half of them go in late or leave early to provide care. But many employers offer flexible schedules or paid leave—ask about them.

Third, plan for the seasons. Winter holidays can be a trigger for agitation and sundowning in people with dementia, as the NIA notes. Prepare by communicating clearly—make eye contact, use yes/no questions, and avoid baby talk. And have a plan in case you can't provide care. The NIA advises having a contingency plan, including who would take over and what local programs could help.

Quick tip: Set a daily reminder on your phone to drink a glass of water and take three deep breaths. It sounds small, but it's a start.

Bottom Line

Reactive coping will get you through the day, but proactive self-care will get you through the years. The research is on my side: self-care is a stronger predictor of mental health than coping. So this season, make a commitment to yourself. Schedule that 20-minute break, ask for help, and get the sleep you need. Your loved one needs you, but you also need you. That's the best move you can make.

Sources

• Riegel et al. (Applied Nursing Research, 2024) - https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39053987/
• AARP / National Alliance for Caregiving - https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2025/caregiving-in-the-us-report.html
• APA Psychiatry / IMH Singapore - https://www.psychiatry.org/News-room/APA-Blogs/Supporting-the-Mental-Health-of-Family-Caregivers
• Family Caregiver Alliance - Caregiver Health - https://www.caregiver.org/resource/caregiver-health/
• NIA - Taking Care of Yourself: Tips for Caregivers - https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/caregiving/taking-care-yourself-tips-caregivers
• Alzheimer's Association - Alzheimer's Disease Facts and Figures - https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/facts-figures